The guilty pleasures

Throughout the night I've felt really down. I've listened to music almost every waking minute for the past several months to drown out my tinnitus and other external sounds.

About 20 minutes ago I turned off the music and put cotton soaked in oil in my ears. This is the first time so the seal isn't very good. But still, things are quieter and I am happier.

Casey is asleep so sie doesn't know. I feel like I'm 15 again dressing up in womens' clothing while my family is asleep. I feel guilty, too, for some reason.

I guess I feel guilty because I'm going behind hir back and doing something I assume sie wouldn't really approve of. I feel better like this, I like it. The tinnitus is very loud but I seem to be able to tune it out more easily.

I'll probably take these makeshift earplugs out soon. I wonder what it'd be like to walk to the pharmacy and pick up my remaining meds with these earplugs in...