Saturday, February 10, 2007

"But you were fine before!"

This is a post that is self-reflective and a sort of pre-emptatory one.

Before I made my transition to womanhood I was a bitter person and generally depressed. But once I began to confront those transsexual issues my depression became worse and I became suicidal.

To the outsider it would appear that transition caused those things to happen, but I believe that once we make a decision to deal with stuff that we repress we must accept the possibility that it will overwhelm us. It may be stronger than our ability to repress it or deal with it.

I mean so say that by hiding from transability or transsexual (or ANYTHING) doesn't take much effort. But dealing with those feelings is very difficult and emotional and can take a lot of effort to deal with. Constantly having it on the mind means that any little trigger (that would have been previously glossed over) can push one into a deep depression.

Confrontation of repressed things is not the cause, it is the attempt to cure.

3 comments:

Sean said...

Oh WOW!

Talk about kicking me in the stomach first thing in the morning.

Such an obvious truism once you read it, but for some reason I had never considered that issue that way.

Thank you.

Marie said...

This occured to me as one of those eureka things. We all know this to be true but never consciously acknowledge it.

Thanks for the comments, and you're welcome. Have a good day!

Jennifer said...

Aren't I being just right ol' chatty?

I'm dealing with this right now. Before, I was just bitter and kinda sorta pondering suicide.

Now that I'm postop, it's never been closer in my life, and I'm a right ol' mess.

Sometimes I wonder if it means I did the wrong thing, but really I know it just means I let the genie out and have to deal with all that means.