Monday, February 5, 2007

Yeah, I'm a little weird.

So for those of you that don't know I'm also a transsexual. Post-operative for well over a year. I am completely happy with zero regret.

Now that I have that out of the way...

When I was early into my transition a crossdresser friend of mine was in a car crash and damaged her (I say "her" since that is how I interacted with them. They were male-bodied and identified as male but liked to interact with the world, sometimes, as a woman) thyroid. The damage to her thyroid made her body begin to produce excess estrogen which, in turn, began to feminise her body.

At the time I was still months away from starting HRT (hormone replacement therapy) and very jealous of her. I was jealous that a person that was happy to identify as a man was being feminised when I identified as a woman and was stuck with a male body until I jumped through my shrink's hoops. I started to wish that I was her and had her thyroid problem that feminised my body. I wondered in what way her throid was damaged and how I could reproduce it in me.

I was fully aware that I wanted a potentially serious thyroid problem for the sole purpose of feminising my body, but I ignored the downsides and focussed on the perceived upsides.

This trend continues with my hearing.

A friend of mine has Ménière's disease. Ménière's disease is a severe balance disorder which also causes hearing loss.

I've posted before that I have some balance problems and at times I really hope that it is Ménière's disease just for the hearing loss. I look past the severe balance problems that come with Ménière's disease because another aspect of the disease helps me in my desire to be dependent on a hearing aid for speech recognition.

I have a habit of focussing on what I perceive to be positive aspects of what can be serious things. I don't know why but I do. And you know what? It doesn't scare me like it probably should.

No comments: