I bought a pair of Etymotic ER-6i earphones a week or two ago and their potential to damage/destroy my hearing is making me really excited about the whole prospect. I can't help but looking forward to spending time with them in my ears with my ipod or itunes cranked up!!
Last week I bought a pair of in-ear earphones (Etymotic ER-6i) on the recommendation of a good friend. They're easy to get a comfortable seal but they earphones are really good when they get a good seal: Good sound, loud, and there's no leakage! A coworker sitting next to me couldn't hear anything with my iPod at maximum.
The frustration comes in when I know for a fact that these are perfect for "noise therapy" but when I'm at home alone for a long weekend I'd rather enjoy the relative quiet that is just computer fans (and, alas, the typing - but it's much quieter with my new MacBook Pro). I don't want to listen to noise when I don't have to but I need to in order to damage my hearing. This is a side effect of the paradox: need noise so one doesn't can't hear, but one don't want to hear the noise needed to damage hearing!
I'll probably limit my listening to commuting to and from work and when at work because as much as I'd like to be deaf I'd like nothing more than to not hear noise! (Work that one out, dear reader!)
With each day my desire to be deaf increases. It is, I think, directly related to stress and therefor could be a coping mechanism. Whether or not that's healthy or not I don't care - it's a feedback loop and it sucks.
I had my hearing therapy appointment recently and the lady suggested lipreading classes. Good idea and something I was planning long term (after BSL level 1). I also got a printout of my audiogram from February. It is all normal (everything above 20db really) except the 6KHz dip: down 30 at left, down 40 at right. It was a bit depressing to see such a flat line leading up to the notch but the printout also had a grayed out area corresponding to the speech banana. I saw that as a kind of target zone, something to aim for to destroy my hearing.
I have a followup audiogram in February - I have a lot to do by then!
Anyways the whole point of this was to rant and not to recap my hearing therapy - i wanted a post for it by itself
I hate hearing and the stress that comes from a noisy office and commuting almost 4 hours a day.
An Update
I've just finished reading the book Seeing Voices, by Oliver Sacks. The book is a very good look at Deaf culture and the history of deafness in the Western world. I won't say too much about it other than it's a very good read and (given the history) I can understand a bit why so many Deaf people are so against Cochler implants and hearing people who seek deafness for themselves.
And on to the real subject of the the update. I've been considering methods of making myself deaf and have come to a sort of quandry: Even if I manage to make myself severely deaf how would I explain to any sane audiologist why I waited until then to seek help? Wouldn't I have noticed when, you know, I couldn't hear people? It seems that a stepping method would be required for any sense of believability. By "believability" I mean without having to explain myself!
I then began to wonder why I would even care. Well it's obvious: I need to have some sort of doctor signoff for work and probably would have to use some sort of correction at work.
And on to the topic of correction (re: hearing aids). I continue to ponder the correlary between the 40 year old transsexual woman I saw in the therapist's office when I was there to get my second letter for GRS that was wearing something completely pink and not age appropriate. Those types of people I can't help think are overcompensating or trying to overly present a female image. The same thing applies to me with my coveting of hearing aids: overly present a deaf image.
Casey and I are planning to move soon, closer to where we both work, and sie has offered to take BSL courses with me. But we'll need around £1600 for the first month's rent including security deposity, plus having to pay another £600 rent where we currently live for a month, and then £200 each for BSL lessons. I may have to wait until Spring for lessons. :( I don't think we/I could afford it all. *sigh*
Maybe in Spring.
