Why?

Marie had a comment to her last post asking why she wanted to be deaf. The question was:

"Do you mind if I ask why you want to be deaf? What is there about hearing aids that seems to me to be the "turn-on", if you like, that makes you want to wear them?"

To Marie she sees no sexual turn-on related to heraing aids. Rather she sees them as a device to regulate when she hears. Bear in mind that Marie doesn't want to be completely deaf (although she would certainly adapt to it). It's easiest to say that Marie wishes to have "selective hearing."

To say exactly "why" Marie wishes to have such a hearing loss would take a long time for her to explain properly. With such a taboo subject it's very important to explain one's self or they risk setting a bad impression.

For now I think it is best to urge those that are interested to take this as a start of Marie's explanation (she feels no need to explain herself to anyone but it is helpful for her to understand these weird urges):

For many years now Marie has had an urge to make things quiet. Perhaps it is her constant tinnitus or perhaps her exceptional hearing: she hears televisions (15KHz) and those annoying >20KHz ringtones. She heard watches, dripping water in another room, people breathing and laughing - everything. Constantly hearing every little noise can drive someone to drastic measures. When these sounds (which Marie has no control over - she hears them always) always happen it makes Marie stressed and can make her 'shut down'. That isn't good.

One could say that she had "too much of a good thing". Perhaps she's being too mellodramatic but that's the world as she sees it: Constant noises from everywhere. They disrupt her sleep and concentration.

The ironic thing is that if she does achieve her goal her tinnitus will not go away and that will be more present.

Marie has experimented with earplugs and has found them to be very successful. The first time she used them she only used cheap foam ones with no more than 25dB attenuation.

The relative quiet was glorious. Marie knew instantly that this is what she desired.