Where have I been?

I've been in my own little world. I was in Canada for three weeks over Christmas and New Years. I've told Casey that it's over and that I want a divorce.

Yeah... the 'D' word (no the other 'd' word). I've been trying to sort out what is going to happen to me after the fact and to make sure I still have a job after it's done. I haven't filed papers yet (doesn't matter when I do it cos Casey will not contest it) since I'm trying to get everything in order beforehand. To make matters more stressful I've got an audiogram coming up soon that I'm trying to "prepare" for.

On the BIID front: I've been meaning to make a post about the inadequacies of words like 'need' and 'want' and 'desire' with respect to those afflicted by BIID but my focus of late is entirely on dealing with the situation at hand.

Life for me is very stressful as of late. Life is very much "same shit different day"

Strange dreams

So I've been having some weird dreams. Earlier this week I read a short story written by Sean at transabled.org and the same fate that befell the main character befell me. Except I had cotton in my ears and wasn't blindsimming. (And for the record: I don't really fancy what happened to the character to happen to me. I'm being vague here so as to not spoil a good story!)

I've also been corresponding with a reader in email and dreamed tonight that he's actually the ENT I will see at my hearing test this week. Casey and I got to the place, (incidentally, Casey went to the desk to check in for me since 'Marie cant hear', nice that sie is supportive in my dreams!) and called into the room by the ENT. He asked background info about me and recalled reading similar things on my blog here and asked Casey to step outside to talk to me in private. He confirmed that he was the aforementioned reader. I woke up then before I found out whether or not he'd out me or be helpful. Strange.

I'm having a lot of stress about this hearing test. I don't know if I can successfully fib and that means I'm being torn between being honest and perhaps having to wait several years before I can legitimately ask for another hearing test or trying to fib and succeeding or failing. Failure means, perhaps, a "black mark" on my medical record.