What bothers me the most

I was chatting with a transabled friend last night and she mentioned (in a roundabout way) what bothered her the most and that got me thinking.

What bothers me the most isn't that I am not Deaf but rather that I still hear everything without choice.

It is a strange distinction to make because at first glance they appear to be the same thing. However, I am not explicitly seeking entrance into the Deaf community as a modus operandi but rather I seek to stop hearing. Even saying "I seek to stop hearing" isn't accurate because I want to be able to accurately control when I hear speech! By virtue of damaging my hearing (or otherwise losing it, she hopes) I will be thrust into the "deaf community" (little 'd'; those who are deaf but do not identify as such). Acceptance to the Deaf community comes later, I believe.

This gets very confusing...